As a general rule, when older people reach a certain age, they usually move with their children to receive the care they need. However, sometimes the tables are turned and the experience leaves lessons that last a lifetime. This is what Ashleigh DeLuca has experienced firsthand, a young woman who, at 28, decided to move in with her grandfather.
She had always been very close to him, saying that, as a child, she would sit on his knees and they would start counting the scratches or bruises that each one had: “hers, from her work in construction; mine, from climbing with too much enthusiasm in the playground,” she says, stating that, for her, her grandfather had always been the ultimate symbol of toughness.
“That was my grandfather in a nutshell: a tough and intimidating man to the rest of the world, but a sweetheart to me. That tender side of him was the reason why, at 28, I decided to move in with him for a few months before embarking on a year-long solo trip around the world,” he says in a special essay for ‘Business Insider’.
“He went from being my grandfather to my best friend”
For Ashleigh, her grandfather has always been “an unwavering source of unconditional love in my life” but she acknowledges that, as she grew older, she abandoned her relationship with him. Even so, he tried to call us at least once a week and visit him on weekends, although those visits always ended up being short.
Therefore, when his grandmother died, he felt the need to take advantage of as much time as possible with his grandfather. Thus, she decided to move and live with him. Initially, it was going to be “just a few months”, but, due to the pandemic, the experiment was extended for almost two years. The main consequence, how the relationship was strengthened: “he went from being my grandfather to my best friend.”
And the experience was totally different from what I had thought. Like any young person, I thought that most of the time they would be at home, watching movies, cooking and talking. I even believed that day-to-day life could be very repetitive. However, it was not like that at all.
“I was hoping to take care of him, doing housework while he sat next to me chatting with me. But he ended up taking care of me as much as I tried to take care of him,” Ashleigh tells the aforementioned media. His grandfather, he says, prepared dinner for him every night, was happy for all his achievements as if he had won the lottery, and surprised him with small details.
And the best thing is that they lived together many experiences that have left them priceless memories: “She almost always accepted my spontaneous, sometimes crazy ideas, such as driving 14 hours to bottle-feed a fawn, adopting two kittens when one of her cats died unexpectedly, going on a mini-vacation to Rhode Island when our entire neighborhood was without power for days, or renovating the dining room to turn it into a luxury playroom for her cats, who were already very spoiled.”
Ashleigh explains that, “above all,” her grandfather always looked for a way to make her laugh, something that has stayed with her and from which she has learned a lot, confessing that, thanks to living together, “a connection was created between us that could not have been replicated in any other way.”
“It was a gift to learn these lessons in my late twenties”
From all experience, Ashleigh highlights that she was able to get to know her grandfather in a way she had never imagined before, seeing him for the first time as a complete person, beyond his role as grandfather. That step made them best friends, accomplices and roommates on equal terms.
Equally important was learning to slow down, focus on people, and learn to listen better. “I learned that caring for loved ones can take different forms and depends on each person’s needs. And most importantly, I learned that investing time in relationships creates a deep sense of connection,” he says.
In this way, he can only express that “it was a gift to learn these lessons in my late twenties.” “Now I make more of an effort to create opportunities to spend quality time with my siblings, my partner, my grandparents, and my closest friends. Whenever I can, I no longer give them material objects wrapped in pretty paper. Instead, I take them on adventures full of laughter, fun photos, and meaningful conversations,” he concludes.